Attachment

Hi, I’m back!

Lately I’ve been taking a somatic attachment course. I was struck when the speaker Kai Cheng Thom highlighted that when thinking of attachment, the primary focus tends to be on parent-child attachment and romantic partner attachment. The narrative tends to be that romantic relationships are the main source of healing for attachment wounds. Which I imagine can create a lot of pressure on romantic relationships and on having one.

She highlighted that this western perspective leaves out the multitude of other attachments that we have, including the connection with “whole families, communities and the non-human world.” She named that colonization has had a real impact on creating separation amongst each other and our connecting practices.

And yet, there are seeds of hope. There are still opportunities and moments of connection that we’ve had and that we can cultivate. These bonds outside of parent and romantic relationships, are just as worthy of attention and can be healing in their own right.

This perspective highlighted to me the obvious fact that connections to other family members, teachers, librarians, with pets/animals, the natural world around us, inanimate objects, and friends can also carry weight, be transformative and healing. It affirmed why the relationship we have with our therapists/psychologists can be so powerful- it provides the opportunity to have a different kind of connection than we may have experienced.

I found it hopeful that even with attachment wounds, we can look to the strengths in the ties we already have, outside of the romantic realm (while tenderly seeing areas for growth- because we’re human). And that we can draw on those connections and fall back into that support-be it a blanket, a book that comforts us, our pets, or our plants that we’re tending to. Even just imagining certain sources of attachment (like picturing ancestors being with you or a friend who lives far away giving you a smile) can be so comforting in moments of hardship.

And it’s something that can be called on even with strangers- like focusing on if you’re in a public place, that you’re all inhaling and exhaling. That you share the ground beneath you with other beings and objects like chairs. That you’re wearing the same jersey. Focusing on our common humanity can help us feel less alone and more connected.

What a source of hope. That we don’t start from zero but that there are already threads of connection.

Speaking of thread, I’m in the process of knitting 4 baby blankets for 4 people giving birth in the late early fall. I hope these blankets radiate love and embody connection.

Me knitting (shout out to Happy Gilmore)

Holding hope and sending it your way. And sending a virtual blanket your way too.